Notice of Revocation to the Republic of the Philippines from the Spanish Crown
In view of your ongoing attempt to impeach your President, similar attempts to impeach her constitutional successors, and your continued inability to choose worthy, competent leaders, we hereby inform you that your independence has been revoked. Effective today, you are once again a colony of Spain. King Juan Carlos is your monarch, and shall exercise sovereignty over the entire archipelago, except for the island of Mindanao, which was never truly under the Spanish rule and is too troublesome besides.
The Spanish Parliament shall appoint a Minister for the Philippines without elections, as we are well aware of your behavior during electoral contests. In deference to your fragile sensibilities, we have nominated a man with close ties to the Philippines, that is, Philippine-born Spanish. Pending the confirmation of Minister Enrique Iglesias, we are assigning as Interim Minister for the Philippines. He too has close ties to your country, having visited your island many times in his youth. Like you, he is a colonial, being a citizen of an island which, in the light of American electoral indecision, has also reverted to Spain. We have faith in his ability to command your full attention. Yes, the Interim Minister is Ricky Martin.
Your Senate and House of Representatives shall be dissolved immediately. However, in recognition of the entertainment these institutions have provided a television program to provide employment to the actors who played your legislators.
To aid in the transition to a Spanish colony, the following rules are hereby promulgated:
All Filipino citizens who claim to be Spanish descent shall undergo DNA testing to substantiate such claims. Greeting people “Oye!” and making beso-beso do not constitute proof of Spanish lineage. Nor does have Spanish-sounding surname, as these names were assigned to your non-Spanish ancestors for bureaucratic purposes.
The Spanish language requirement shall be reinstated in your college. Given current global realities, English shall be phased out as the medium of instruction, but Spanish will be taught in your schools from the first grade onwards. Proficiency in Spanish shall be a prerequisite for graduation. You may begin your reeducation by learning to pronounce S’s, C’s, and Z’s in proper names as “th.” Jo-the Ri-thal. Garbiel Gar-thia Marqueth. Practith your pronounthiathion, underthtand?
The medieval era was over centuries ago. The Roman Catholic Church is no longer as influential in Spain as it was when we first ruled the Philippines. Guess what: We practice divorce in Spain.
While you’re at it, start practicing birth control, for crying out loud. Your natural resources cannot sustain you if you continue breeding indiscriminately.
You will receive further orders in the coming weeks.
Congratulations, you are once again a colony of Spain!
(Translated from Spanish)
source: Twisted 6
The Spanish Parliament shall appoint a Minister for the Philippines without elections, as we are well aware of your behavior during electoral contests. In deference to your fragile sensibilities, we have nominated a man with close ties to the Philippines, that is, Philippine-born Spanish. Pending the confirmation of Minister Enrique Iglesias, we are assigning as Interim Minister for the Philippines. He too has close ties to your country, having visited your island many times in his youth. Like you, he is a colonial, being a citizen of an island which, in the light of American electoral indecision, has also reverted to Spain. We have faith in his ability to command your full attention. Yes, the Interim Minister is Ricky Martin.
Your Senate and House of Representatives shall be dissolved immediately. However, in recognition of the entertainment these institutions have provided a television program to provide employment to the actors who played your legislators.
To aid in the transition to a Spanish colony, the following rules are hereby promulgated:
All Filipino citizens who claim to be Spanish descent shall undergo DNA testing to substantiate such claims. Greeting people “Oye!” and making beso-beso do not constitute proof of Spanish lineage. Nor does have Spanish-sounding surname, as these names were assigned to your non-Spanish ancestors for bureaucratic purposes.
The Spanish language requirement shall be reinstated in your college. Given current global realities, English shall be phased out as the medium of instruction, but Spanish will be taught in your schools from the first grade onwards. Proficiency in Spanish shall be a prerequisite for graduation. You may begin your reeducation by learning to pronounce S’s, C’s, and Z’s in proper names as “th.” Jo-the Ri-thal. Garbiel Gar-thia Marqueth. Practith your pronounthiathion, underthtand?
The medieval era was over centuries ago. The Roman Catholic Church is no longer as influential in Spain as it was when we first ruled the Philippines. Guess what: We practice divorce in Spain.
While you’re at it, start practicing birth control, for crying out loud. Your natural resources cannot sustain you if you continue breeding indiscriminately.
You will receive further orders in the coming weeks.
Congratulations, you are once again a colony of Spain!
(Translated from Spanish)
source: Twisted 6
posted by chard at 7:04 PM
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